I just sneezed

Achoo!

but not so loud

I've never been a loud sneezer

as I bought...

what did I even buy?

I don't remember

yet it was only hours ago

Then she looked me in the eye

and said

'God bless you'

and kept her eyes on mine as I let that sink in

and I said

'thank you'

with more thanks than the usual cordial gratuity

thanks for the blessing

thanks for looking me in the eye when you said that

thanks for waiting for my reaction

thanks for saying the name

what was yours again?

it doesn't matter

you won't remember mine

but I'll remember the one you said

and next time, I'll say it too

and I'll look them in the eye when I do

so thank you

and

God bless you too.

set apart

I'm becoming a loser

I don't hang out with the right people

I hang out with the mutual friend, but not the core

I hang out with that lady and her daughter

I hang out with the one, instead of the many

I hang out with that girl who's story no one knows

I hang out with old ladies

I hang out alone

I don't hang out at the right places

I hang out at the bible study that everyone decided wasn't worth their time

I hang out at the beach when there isn't a surf contest

I hang out in town, on all the wrong days

I hang out and jam with no audience

I hang out at work

I hang out alone

I'm not that girl I used to be

I used to be the girl in the middle

now I'm the girl on the outside

I used to be the loud one

now I'm the watcher

I used to be the girl on top of the world

now I'm a stranger here

I used to have everything

now I have nothing

I used to be the cool one

now I'm the loser

and I'm really really happy about it.

If you are calling me to be a loser for the kingdom

I'm gonna be the best loser you have ever called

Matthew 16:24

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

keep your damn roller-coaster

this ride is no fun anyway 

I WANT OFF

but i don't know how to make it stop

trabajo

can I read your stuff so I don't have to write my own?

can you cheat

...the gift?

I just want to stop for a while

so it doesn't feel like homework

I wanna copy for a while

I wanna make it up

I wanna pull an all nighter 

I wanna be pau. 

cuz I don't like to work

I've never liked to work

I've never had to work

I've always been better than that

I could always cheat

there was always a loophole

I was smart enough to find

I've always been the favorite

and I've never had to try

why is this different?

what makes you different?

and what is it about you

that makes me want to try?

but there is no cheating you

and you always take the long way

tomorrow I'm gonna pretend

like 

I 

got

this

to get through the day

like a secret hustler

but soon

I'm gonna have to work 

Banking on Tomorrow

1.20.10

Today I gave a man my sweatshirt

Tomorrow I will give him my Savior

what if tomorrow never comes? 

everyday has been my tomorrow before 

I used to think procrastination was funny

now it's a choking device

forcing itself upon kingdom work 

cutting off life previously given to potential

taking away opportunity for movement

stunting my growth worse than a daily coffee 

and you thought this piece was going to be pretty

so did I

maybe tomorrow it'll be pretty 

but today the question remains

what if tomorrow never comes? 

what if it does

The Big Time

I always want to ask her

"WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER ARE YOU!?"

the answer is

she's the mother of a

selfish

detached

judgmental

over expectant

ungrateful

long-distance

sinner

who knows Jesus

I know all her excuses

I hear them all the time

but what's my excuse?

that's when I realize I should be asking myself

"what kind of a daughter are you?"

Dear World,

SHUT UP! Shut up. Please, just shut up.

Because you're screaming at me

you're talking at me

you're forcing me to go directions

directions

I

Don't

Want

To

Go

with your eloquently spoken words

your tempting whisper

your flashy gifts

your nice boys

your well educated peers

your advice givers

your stable church-goers

please back off.

Because I am weak

easily seduced

hesitant to stand out

and too prideful to cry

I have been sitting

in

silence

watching you turn my head and quiet me down

But

tonight my soul is screaming

though I myself may not

my soul screams out for you to

SHUT UP!

and even though from the outside

all you hear is a whisper

and a faint screen of protection coming over my eyes

soon

you will hear

HIS roar

His Ravenously

Jealous

Roar

The roar

that will awaken my spirit

and put a rumble in your plans

He's ready

to come out claws outstretched

to grip into your wall of emotionless dominance

and Tear It Down

tear it down

until it's only me

and only Him

You won't be in our way anymore

but until then

shut up

so I can hear my maker speak to me

shut up so I can stand up

turn around

and run weeping back into His arms

because once you're out of

Our way

that's all there will be

is me

and Him.