Summit

From here I see the world
I see what you cannot

I see my son getting stabbed in the head
I see my son who won't even sit in your chair
I see my son cook who has no taste
I see my son who loves me and praises my name
I see my son Phil.

I see my daughter trafficked as a baby
I see my daughter getting older on the streets
I see my daughter abused by men
I see my daughter speak about her creator anyway
I see my daughter Gail.

I am the God who saves them
I am the God who heals them
I am the God who loves them
I am the God of Miracles.

Take me out of your box
I will never fit in your box
Your god is too small
Let me show you what I can do.

Beat Poet

What am I gonna do with a stupid paper heart?
It's lifeless, flimsy, & weak.
It's flat, plain, & dull.
Easily torn
Indistinguishable
Unimpressive
Lacking...
color
weight
depth
feeling
a pulse
Lacking...
Life
Love
Beauty
Truth
Jesus

Enter the King
That's who you are right?
The one who wants to take this away
The one who made this
Is that right?

Sure take it from me
It's very lightweight
so lightweight it pisses me off
it's just falling out of my hands
flying away with a light breeze
and here I am resentfully scooping it back up
back in my hands it goes
but I can't even hold onto it
Sure, take it away from me
You already have everything else
It's all I have left
But what are YOU gonna do with a stupid paper heart?

In your hands it has color
bright vibrant color
my mouth is gaping open at the sight
In your hands it pulses
strong beats with purpose
so loud it's consuming me
It gushes with life
It's alive
It's beautiful

You take my hand and I lose sight
Where did you put it?
It's safe with me
I want it back
It's better with me
It's mine
No, it's mine
It's alive with me
It's okay that you can't see it
It's okay

You look at me and call me Beautiful
You call my heart Bella because that is the language that it speaks

It's yours
Your Bella.
You are the King
My maker
restorer
lover
life-giver
and I
I am
yours.

What are you gonna do with my pulsing gushing heart?

Grace

There is Grace.
Do you receive it?
It is a free gift, the price has already been paid.
It is for you.
Do you receive it?
Why do you punish yourself?
You have already been forgiven.
Have you forgiven yourself?


Forgiveness is free.
Grace is free.
Do you receive it?
Why do you wait for suffering, when that is not the lesson this time.
Why are you punishing yourself?
Why are you trying to prune?
Maybe this time you are supposed to hold on.
This time you are supposed to hold on!
Why do you feel alone when they are standing right in front of you?
Reach out and touch them, you don't have to stretch very far.
They are ready to embrace,
love,
speak softly.

Don't push.
Don't be afraid of what you can't understand.
Don't be afraid to rest in Me.
Don't be afraid to let Me heal you.
Don't be afraid of My love for you.
Don't be afraid to let Me call you beautiful.
Don't be afraid of My embrace.
Don't be afraid of Me.

Don't turn your back on My gifts.

free
abundant
paid for
gifts
all you have to do
is
open
your
hands
and
receive
freely
grace...
forgiveness...
love...

Do you receive it?

Lies vs. Truth

There is condemnation here.
How can 19 be stronger than 22?
I'm going to mess up, don't trust me.
I'm the same. I'm the same.
Quit this ministry of lies, if they knew it'd be over.
I put him back on the cross for everyone to see

I am unworthy of this call, accusation is for me.

They tell me that they love me, I feel pain.
You tell me that you love me, I shudder and want it to be over.
I want you to move on.
Why won't you move on?
See me for who I really am. Open your eyes.

The darkness covers all, I am suffocating.
It's overwhelming, I beg it to stop.
Please stop.

Her hand is on my heart,
"LOOK ME IN THE EYES"
I can't, I can't.
"You have to look me in the eyes"
You have heard my truth, I already know what you will say.
"That is all lies"

Spirit of unworthiness leave in the name of Jesus
Spirit of fear leave in the name of Jesus
Spirit of condemnation leave in the name of Jesus
Spirit of shame leave in the name of Jesus
SPIRIT OF LIES LEAVE IN THE NAME OF JESUS

Lord have mercy, I choose Jesus.
Lord have mercy, I choose Jesus.
Lord have mercy, I choose Jesus.
Lord have mercy, I choose Jesus.
LORD HAVE MERCY, I CHOOSE JESUS.

Breathing comes, deep breaths.
I can sit up straight again,
Heaviness is gone.
empty.
What will fill me now?
The only one that can.
truth.
Lord have mercy, I choose Jesus.

There is redemption here.
This man is stronger than wood and nails and death.
I judge you from my rightful throne
then I get off the throne and take the punishment upon myself
it is finished. IT IS FINISHED.
Judge and Savior
I have victory, this is truth.
Grace is for you, Love is for you.
Come Home, for I have called you
mine.

Note to Self

SOPHOMORE ALBUM

One of these days I will release one. Just so people can say, "With the release of her Sophomore Album, 'Jesus is for Winners II' Lydia has decided to include more cowbell on many of her tracks." Or something of that nature.
PS. I haven't actually decided to name my album 'Jesus is for Winners' that's just something I'm throwing around.
Maybe I'd title it 'Sophomore Album' simply because I like the usage of the phrase 'Sophomore Album' and would want to hear it as much as possible.

Float On

I am Lost (Float On)

And I'm Alone (Float On)

I have nothing to call my own

No where to call my home

No roots for me to grow

I'm Empty (Float On)

Where does my identity lie

Who is my Father

And how do I get there

When will I see clear

And you say (Float On)

I'm Broken (Float On)

I'm Messy (Float On)

I have no confidence in me

I hear that I am free

Lord I just wanna see

Your Mercy (Float On)

Float unto me

I will help you see

That you are Free

Free in Me

Float on

Dazed and Confused

In middle school there was a chapstick flavor called 'Dazed and Confused' that I used to use.
It was glittery and had attitude.
I used to feel that way.
In high school I led a team who taught abstinence to younger students.
Our slogan was 'Students today aren't ready for sex'.
I didn't agree with what I taught.
In college I met a boy who told me he believed.
He didn't.
I didn't care.
I have met my Savior who said, 'Come, Follow me".
He saved my life.
I'm not confused anymore.