space

I feel like you and me
aren't you and me
because first, there's you
and then there is me
I feel like this place is standing room only
only occupied when you can stand me, and I can stand you
This is the "okay" room
but when things aren't okay
this room is solitary confinement
this is the room where you're reminded that you're alone
and that things are anything but okay
this is the room that screams at you
the room that tells you that you aren't suitable for a partner
that your partner isn't suited for you
I'm tired of taking space
I'm going to get in your space
and I want you to get in my face
because the truth is,
there is no me without you
and there is no you without me
and I love you.

Tattoo

I like to think of you as a tattoo.
the, "I forgot I had that one!" kind of tattoo
the, "I have a meaningful story that goes with this" kind of tattoo
it's cool when I see it, but most days I forget it even exists.

I remember getting my first tattoo,
I remember how it hurt, but I knew it'd be worth it 
I remember the time that a symbol meant so much to me that I wanted it to be a part of my body.
Other people notice it, but I only see it in mirrors now. 

I want to know you again, as more than a symbol
I want to go through pain and know that you're worth it
I want you to become a permanent part of me again
noticing you every day, is what I desire

Mostly, I don't want you to be just a cool story I have 
I want you to be all the things you say you are.

I want you to be air, not just a breath
I want you to be time, not just a minute
I want you to be meaning, not just a symbol
I want you to be life, and not just a story

Because I know that you are more than just a tattoo.

Anxiety

I spend a lot of time these days looking at ceilings
counting breaths
changing thoughts
staying home
focusing on reality

The problem is I'm looking up because I'm flat on my back
and my reality is
counting breaths
changing thoughts
staying home

I can't focus because I'm too busy
counting breaths
changing thoughts
staying home

I want to spend my time punching holes through ceilings
so at least if I'm forced to be flat on my back
I could see the stars
and then maybe I could breathe
maybe the heavens would consume my thoughts
maybe I'd choose to stay home
and stars would be my reality
 

slack

I'm tired of pointing fingers and playing the games
shifting blame
me vs. them
them vs. us
me vs. you
me vs. us
them
us
me
you
I'm tired of cutting them slack
I want to cut the life support line already
because my Life needs more Support
my life needs less slack
I've given them slack
I've given them time

WE

We need to cut Us some slack
I need to cut you some slack
You need to cut me some slack
we need time
we need the life support
we need less of the blame
and I'd like to point a few more fingers away from us and back toward them

I want to hold up the mirror to the slackers
what if we did this to you
why don't you pick up the slack
Slackers

I've already dropped the string
I've reached the end of my line
pull on someone else's
strings are so heavy
with the world on it

2nd impression

Naked I came from my mother's womb

but I've been covering up for some time now.

Bundling up in lies that I could disguise myself in

layers so thick you wouldn't recognize me anymore

I was hoping you would stop looking for me

Like a year-long game of hide and go seek

I hid in the darkest place I could find

yet you kept looking

I even turned my back in all my camouflage and quit the game

I had convinced myself you couldn't see through it all

that you had given up

but you knew me the whole time

you played the game

and you walked with me when I walked away

I bet you even chuckled at my poor excuse for a costume

I thought the cover up was flawless

so

here i am.

but I don't wanna play games anymore

I'm DONE hiding

and all these layers are getting heavy

so I'm turning around

peeling them off

one painful mask at a time

until all there is

is who I am

facing

who you are

nothing to hide

showing you all that I got

naked I came and naked I will depart

you knew that all along

so here is me

this is what I got

It ain't pretty

but I want You to see it All

because breathing under costumes is impossible

all I wanna do is inhale you again

but first I gotta find my lungs

and with my first breath I'll say

Hi.

Nice to meet you again.

My name is Lydia.

i got nothing to hide from you anymore

everything I am is all yours

if you still want me

i am yours.

between flying and falling

I need a little normal

I need something in the middle

I need just enough

...but not too much

I have the tendency to go overboard

'go hard or go home'

right?

wrong.

because when I go hard I fall harder

and going home means giving up

so for now I gotta find something in the middle

something to take the edge off

before I fall off of it

and this time

it's on me.

enough

Haven’t you had enough

Because I’ve had enough

So for now this is enough

And forever this has to be enough

Because He is enough

There is nothing more than enough

And nothing better than enough

And enough is enough

For me.