Here

If this is really it
If this is all I got left
these days
these minutes
these seconds
here
then I'm gonna do it right
I'm gonna do it up good
I'm gonna take that chance
fight that fight
speak those words
ride that river
stare down that ocean
plant this seed
laugh that loud
love that hard
feel that much
because this is really it
this is all I got left
these days
these minutes
these seconds
here.

Redemption

More than just clipping coupons

More than just pop cans

He didn't get 5cents back for redeeming us

He got death on a cross

He got suffering

He got judgment

He got accusation

What did we get?

LIFE.

What do we know about redemption?

because it's more than just clipping coupons

it's more than just pop cans

Pat on the F'ing back

Don't put it out there until it's good
Is it good yet?
Has it achieved literary genius yet?
Is it worthy of opinion yet?
Is it better than the first?
Is it as deep as the last?

Did you edit it, throw in a fancy story, add a bridge, include impressive facts, come to a solid conclusion?

You decide
It's yours right?
Your words, Your poem, Your song, Your blog, Your testimony?
That's what YOU decided
When He gave you "your" gift
When He gave you "your" voice to sing, "your" writing ability, "your" words to speak
When He changed "your" life, and gave you "your" story

That's when you started
analyzing
editing
comparing
perfecting
picking and choosing

That's when you started deciding.

Why don't you take a minute, step back, and remember when you started deciding
When you took HIS blessing and made it YOUR talent
When you took a Holy Gift and compared it to the world's opinion

Where was HE in that decision?

note to the reader: I really wanted to drop a large F*** bomb at the end of this.
It might eventually have an ending, but right now it's just a Holy Conviction. haha, just...

What You Said

Why would I leave this place?
This green
beautiful
luscious place

People come here, not leave here
Don't you know?

Here is where I grew up
took my first steps
danced my first dance
had my first kiss
became an adult

Here is where I found you!
let you prune
saw you heal
heard you speak
felt you redeem

Here is where you gave me family
not just the blood kind
but the kind that saw me cry
let me speak
taught me to love
saved my life

Don't you know?
That there is work to be done?
That I have more growing up to do?
That people need me?
That I'm just starting to really live?
That I'm scared?

Then why did you speak that night?
Why did you redirect my path?
Why did you open my ears?
Why did you change my whole life?

I can't get it out of my head
what you said
Because what you said was
"you are done here"
"well done"
"Will you go?"
"Come, follow me, again"
"This is not what I have for you"

As I stared at the city that I love
that is what I heard
But what you said was
"I Love You"

And because of what you said
I will leave
I will leave this place, this city, this family, this life
I will leave anything
because of what you said.

Translation

I speak 2 languages
but sometimes I speak 3.

I speak the language that everyone speaks
or at least 375 million do
I use it 95% of the day
to connect, gossip, teach, and learn
the words I speak in this language are the easiest to understand
their meaning travels fast and are easily clung to
capturing a wide audience all speaking this language.

I also speak the language of another country
A country foreign to the ways of this land
this language is a language romantico
spoken by our brothers and sisters of the South
this is a heart language, it makes you como familia
and seeks you like a surprise embrace
the sound of this language impresses, engrosses, and attracts many who speak it
and many who'd like to
it provides opportunity and crosses borders building bridges between the countries of those who speak it

And sometimes, sometimes I speak the language of my maker
This language is not spoken by many and not easily learned
it crosses time, nations, stereotypes, limits, age, and location
This language can bring peace and war
it can convict and heal
it reveals and brings freedom, if you let it
I should speak it more
because I have seen what it can do
but sometimes I keep it hidden
sometimes I keep it a secret
It holds the most power of any language
it is most beautiful when spoken by the one who created it
He speaks it fluently
through His word
through His people
through His daughters
through His sons
through You

And I, I speak 2 languages
but sometimes I speak 3.

Tears

Why won't the real ones come?
Even as I sit here writing they won't come.
Not one lousy tear, not even a fake one
I beg sometimes for them to come
To feel the flow that indicates I feel something
anything
The flow that indicates that I am affected
That something got through
Something penetrated the wall
This wall that begs to be broken, infiltrated, destroyed
But the flow never comes
never frees
never breaks through
Not one lousy tear, not even a fake one

Creationally Challenged

...is what I have deemed myself
It's like being told that you are a bad human
you are bad at being what you are
you suck at being who you were created to be
essentially, you suck

You can't even relate to your fellow species
Why can't you meet people where they are at?
Why do you have to force yourself to connect?
As if you have no empathetic qualities...
Do you?

I am defective in my nature
an error has been made in my manufacturing
I am essentially a substandard version of myself
How can this be?

I am made in the image and likeness of God
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am created for His glory by His perfect hand
How is it that I am so faulty as a creation of God?
Did He make a mistake on me?

Maybe it's me who challenges His creation
"Be all that you can be"
"Think independently of others"
"Follow your dreams"
"The only one you can depend on is you"
"This above all to thine own self be true"

When everything I have ever heard before now screams to separate it is no wonder I cannot connect
They say "detach"
Truth says "they had everything in common"
I was created to depend on Him
I was conditioned to depend on myself
I choose to no longer challenge His creation

Who knows my purpose better than my creator?
Who can get me back to His image but Him?
Today I choose to surrender
Today I choose to love my neighbor
Today I choose to enjoy the favor of all people
Today I choose to depend on the family He has given me

Today I choose into Perfect Creation.

KHMRTALR

What I should have said was

I am not too tired for your truth
Your truth is refreshing
Your truth is raw
Your truth is revealing
Your truth is real

Don't you see we need more of your truth?

I am not afraid of your truth

I am afraid of you leaving without telling the truth
I am afraid that I made you think that I can't handle your truth
I am afraid that you don't see that I need your truth

I love your truth

but the truth is, I didn't say anything at all.